Chapter 9: Yes, I’m going to talk about Meathook

I plan on using Meathook starting with my next game. You may think I’m crazy, but I have good reason for my insanity. It all has to do with how Boiler has worked for me in my Fillet team. As I have learned, and I’ve heard others agree, all the team’s influence goes to Fillet and Shank in a Fillet lead team. That doesn’t leave much to give someone like Boiler or Brisket, and that is better used on Brisket to keep up a goal threat. Boiler gets nothing for most of the game. The time Boiler starts to get some is when Fillet or, more likely, Shank gets taken out. That puts them out of position and Boiler comes into play. By that point Princess could be dead, so he doesn’t get a buff, and a good player will prevent you from getting the buff even if Princess is still in the game. This is where Meathook comes in. With her heroic play she can do something even with no influence and, as we will see in this article, she can do similar amounts of damage as Boiler, without the use of another model. Now, that does reduce the amount of influence available by one. I do have an answer for that in my next article.

So, now that I feel like I’ve explained why she’s going to get played, let’s talk about what she can do.

First thing is what you should expect: Damage output. Here is the table:

Defense/Armor
Regular Attack
Extra Attack
Charge Attack
Defense/ArmorRegular AttackExtra AttackCharge Attack
2/02.733.734.41
2/1,3/02.273.273.85
2/2,3/1,4/01.752.733.00
2/3,3/2,4/1,5/01.252.152.22

Her damage values are almost the same as Boiler’s without the Princess bonus. Which is very favorable because she also gets a +1 damage bonus (like Boiler) for something that you are trying to do anyway: Bleed. Even more important, she causes bleed on damage so she buffs all her attacks after the first even if they do not have bleed on them already. She can also damage a lot of people and put out a lot of bleed on a (very) lucky scything blow.

So, similar damage. And she loses 1 influence, but what does she gain? Wrong! She gains better ball handling! The extra die she gets on kicks gives her a 10-25% better chance of succeeding, depending on the situation. She also has a momentous tackle on two hits, same as V. Brisket (with 1 extra TAC to boot over her). That makes it very likely to tackle. See:

Defense/Armor
Tackle on attack
Tackle on charge
Tackle on wrap from charge
Defense/ArmorTackle on attackTackle on chargeTackle on wrap from charge
2/099.93%100.00%93.03%
2/1,3/098.95%99.97%57.89%
2/2,3/1,4/089.97%99.14%21.67%
2/3,3/2,4/1,5/065.91%93.99%6.15%

She can get the ball and pass it off with a 75% chance of making that pass. That’s pretty nice for a Butcher’s team.

One influence is a lot to lose, but the addition of someone that can do something for nothing and can play late game like the player that I’m swapping out for, make Meathook actually temping in a Fillet team. I will admit that I initially dismissed Meathook with Fillet when others thought she might get played with her, but I’ve come around. I think I’ll get more out of her than Boiler at this point.

An Update (already) because I forgot to talk about it: If you give Meathook 1 influence on a turn, she can tool up another player. This is far more useful than what most players can do for one influence.

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